This is my favorite view of the Santa Cruz Harbor. When the sun is shining the light bounces off the boats and glistens across the water. It’s magical. This day was not so magical, more like gray and somber as if the harbor was having a bad day. This was yesterday. And the day before and the day before. It’s officially winter here, and obviously across the country, as to be expected in January. But this is officially winter in Santa Cruz and we don’t always get those here. It’s growing on me. It’s cozy place to crawl inside yourself and reflect. I’ve been struggling to break out of my post holiday (and post wedding) depressed wintery funk. But the quiet reflection is renewing my energy and I’m finally feeling excited about a new and promising year.
It’s been about 7 months since my last blog post. I’ve been feeling a little anxiety around this, but then I remembered that no one is actually sitting around waiting for me to do a blog post. I do feel a sense of urgency though, to write and share for my own release and sense of self-expression. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to blog. Last year was kind of a big year for me. Pretty much the best year of my life. I got married in November to my very best friend in the world (his name is Tim for future reference). It was amazing, but it also meant that I spent the majority of the year planning a 4 day destination wedding while running a business (with my now husband) and also nursing a nasty foot injury that at one point put me in a cast and crutches. There were at least 2 minor meltdowns when I seriously freaked out that I might be a gimp on my wedding day. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t totally healed but much better by the time the wedding came around. Having a foot injury though is super annoying and makes everything you do more difficult. The experience definitely left me with more empathy for people struggling with injuries or disabilities. I apologize to anyone I was really cranky to during this time.
All that to say, something had to go and the blog took the hit. One day I snuck into the bedroom to work on some blog stuff and Tim came in and was like “Seriously! I could use some help around here!” because we had about 700 things going on at the office and “update my blog” was not anywhere close to the top of the list we discussed earlier that morning. So not blogging was basically like saving my future marriage. But I miss it and I wake up almost everyday with a new thought or idea that would be an awesome blog post. I discourage myself often thought, worrying that no one will read it and why am I even bothering with this anyway, but I decided this is my place to say things out loud that are running around in my head. And I think we are meant to create and make art in whatever medium feels the most enjoyable to us. Also, I have a lot more time on my hands now that I don’t have a wedding to plan.
Speaking of wedding planning, I almost killed myself being a raging perfectionist. That’s maybe an exaggeration and I’m not sure “raging” is quite the right word. It sounds a little violent. There were no incidences of violence surrounding the wedding, which I now believe should be considered a success due to all the opportunity for family (and inter-family) disputes. Throw in tequila and you could have a full on situation at any given time. Especially when your guests have 4 days in Mexico to accomplish all kinds of hoopla, and here is where “raging” is an appropriate expression. It was a killer wedding though and I think everyone had a seriously awesome time, minus a few nasty cases of Moctezuma’s Revenge. At least Moctezuma waited till the last day to strike, but that’s like the worst wedding favor ever wrapped in a taco. Not even tequila can make this better.
I wasn’t expecting to feel so down once the wedding was over. There’s so much planning, so much anticipation, so many tiny details that seem so ridiculously important at the time and then it all happens in a flash and you didn’t even get to taste the canapés. And if you did you don’t remember. It’s the greatest high of your life and then its all down hill from there. Which is really not true at all since YOU JUST GOT MARRIED and this beginning of the best years of your life. But for several weeks following the wedding I was bummed out and kept obsessing over the things I screwed up and what I should have done differently and people I wished I talked to more. And then there’s the whole waiting for your pictures thing that is so torturous. Please show me this actually happened! It’s like proof of life. I need to know if there was cake or not. There was cake and it was delicious. Here’s a picture of me eating it.
I love being married. There’s something very complete and whole about it. And I’m coming to enjoy this grey and somber season. It’s calming after such a high energy year. I can sit in the corner of the couch and read all day without feeling pressed to be productive. Or go the whole weekend without leaving my house. And I’m reminded that life is about seasons and nothing ever stays the same. This is a good thing.
Since I would hate to end a blog post without an opportunity for shopping I’ve included some of my favorite things for keeping cozy in this gloomy season. Enjoy!